It's funny how your heart can know something but your head denies it. Or your head has knowledge that doesn't make it to your heart. I've known for a while now—a gut instinct, a mother's knowing—but there was no evidence so my head held onto the shred of denial while it could. Now even though there is still no hard evidence, this morning my head and my heart agree, my son is on drugs.
That is so hard to type. When I look at my son, there is a man there. But still I see the boy. The boy that giggled and brought me flowers and tried so much to mimic his dad. Where did we go wrong? Were we not strict enough, not vigilant enough? Yes.
So the journey begins and it's scary. There will be confrontation, denial, yelling, strife, lies told, truths revealed, lies remade, trust shattered. And there will be tears, they've already started. I'm weary already. What is this going to do to my family? Give me strength and endurance.
Lord, I promise to come to you in prayer at every turn. I fall on my knees in the middle of my son's room and ask you to please forgive my denial and take it away. I want truth even if it's not easy. Guide us, help us to walk the line of grace and mercy while being as hard and exacting as our son needs. Give us shrewdness and discernment, make us see. Bring the hidden sins to the light. Cover my son in love, grace and mercy but purify him with fire to make him reflect your image. Protect him from harm. I pray in the name of our Savior who was tempted in every way, Jesus. Amen.
